


Madness in Memory

by tryslora



Series: All Our Yesterdays [9]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Community: fullmoon_ficlet, Divorce, Dysfunctional Family, Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryslora/pseuds/tryslora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Jackson dance around the topic of how they failed, beginning with Jackson’s first full moon with Amanda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Madness in Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for Prompt #31 - Moon at fullmoon_ficlet. As always, I do not own the world or characters of Teen Wolf, I just like to play with them.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to come out, over and over again, to someone you just met, who also might be one of the most important people in your life at that moment?” Jackson doesn’t look at Stiles when he speaks, choosing a spot on the wall instead as he sifts through the conversations that he’d had with Amanda in those early days. “It was hard to pick which bomb to drop first. She was my sister, but she didn’t know me at all, and I didn’t know her, and I just wanted… she was family. I wanted her to like me.”

He’s older now, and the words are easier to say. He’d lived them his whole life, trying to impress people, trying to be the person they wanted him to be so he would be loved. Ever since he had found out he was adopted, thrown away by one set of parents and almost ignored by another… he’d been trying to find the place where he fit in. “She was _family_ ,” he says, knowing that the word will hurt Stiles, but also knowing there’s no other way to put it. “For that moment, everything I had found paled in the face of the idea that there was someone else with the same blood running through their veins. Someone else who had the same parents, who had been put out like trash in the same way. And I just wanted to be the man she expected me to be, because I didn’t want to lose her, too. I didn’t want to lose that chance with her.”

He glances at his ex-husband. “Everything was such a mess then. We were fighting, and I hated it. So there I was: bisexual, married to a guy which meant she would think I was gay, in the middle of yet another knock down drag out fight with my husband about life choices, and on top of all that, the full moon was coming and I wasn’t sure how I could handle it.”

“Thanks.” Stiles’s tone is dry and sarcastic. “Just… thanks. Are you blaming me for ruining your life, because that’s not helping the attempt at reconciliation, Jackson. Glad to know I made you seem _gay_ and that you were embarrassed by me. That you didn’t want to tell your sister about your husband and daughter.”

“Go back ten years and tell me how stable _you_ were,” Jackson growls softly. “Tell me you were the rock of this relationship and that every decision you made was absolutely perfect and correct.”

Stiles glances away, possibly finding that same point on the wall.

Jackson sighs. “You can’t. And that close to the moon—that far from my anchor—I wasn’t thinking straight. I was overwhelmed. So I tried. I tried to spill it out, and some of it made sense to her and some didn’t, but we talked… we kept talking for days, every time we met up. And when the full moon came—”

“She stayed at the hotel.” Stiles speaks stiffly, and Jackson nods in response.

“Which you know, because you had me followed.” Jackson’s expression is rueful. “I was thrilled to know how much you trusted me.”

“I’m sorry.” The words are soft and low, and they surprise Jackson, not just for what he hears, but for the tempo of Stiles’s heart, the acrid scent of remorse.

“I’m sorry, too.” Jackson keeps his voice even. “I showed her what I became, and I made her lock herself in the bedroom because I couldn’t keep control without you and my wolf wouldn’t let me let her leave completely. I knew she was pack, and I needed her, and without my anchor, I needed her more.”

“You know that I assumed that you and her spending the night together on the moon meant—”

“I’m well aware,” Jackson interrupts him. “You threw that detail in my face when you were kicking me out.”

He takes a drink, watching as Stiles mirrors the motion on the other side of the table.

“We were so fucked up,” Jackson says quietly. “How the fuck did we ever make it work?”

“I loved you.” The words fall in staccato time, short and sharp, cutting through the air. “Love wasn’t enough.”

“Good sex and love are a part of every relationship,” Jackson agrees. “We had those. We just didn’t have anything else.”

Stiles picks up his glass and tosses back what’s left of his beer. “We have Nik,” he says quietly.

She’s still a bond between them, an old one and a new one at the same time. Jackson nods. “We have Nik.” He pushes his plates away, making space to lean his elbows on the table. “Tell me about teaching her to drive. She said something about dragging a Jeep out of retirement.”

“It was in Derek’s garage still,” Stiles admits. “And since he has all that property and the long private road, it’s the perfect place to teach the kids to drive, whether they’ve got permits or not. Hasn’t she told you all this already?”

Jackson nods, because he knows that Stiles has realized that they’ve been talking. It isn’t a secret anymore. “She has,” he says slowly. “But I want to hear the story from you. I want to hear about what I’ve missed.”

“You don’t get to just waltz back in and be her Papa.” Stiles turns away.

“I didn’t think I did.” Jackson reaches out carefully under the table with one toe, poking Stiles. “But I still want to hear. Tell me about Nikki and the Jeep.”

And he listens intently, memorizing every word as Stiles speaks. He drinks in the fluid hand motions that illustrate the story, still familiar after all these years. Stiles is actually listening to him; he can offer the same courtesy, and maybe they can finally move on.


End file.
